Big
I’m in the midst of a project. A BIG project. A project that spans many mediums, from pencil and paper to watercolor and metal and print. It’s taken me oh-so-much-longer to put together than anticipated (though, isn’t that always the way?) but I’m getting close. Sooooo close…next week I’ll have finished work to share for sure.
To make a long story (and a lot of studio hours) short, I was madly inspired by my little bird from a few weeks back. The rush I got from designing that tiny painting lit a little fire in my heart and I just…kept going. Fitting script letters into animals, I mean.
At first, I was so jazzed I thought I’d try to make one a day for every day in November - so, thirty total. And then November began and the process was so involved that I brought myself back to just twenty. And then I finished my fourteenth drawing, felt like that was all I wanted to make, and threw away that November deadline. And since then? I’ve been painting them out and modifying them to be sawn into silver and scheming on how to transform them into stickers.
It’s more time and energy than I’ve allowed myself to invest in something that wasn’t strictly jewelry since…school? I don’t know - it’s been awhile. All of the little word/animal spirits I’m creating feel so alive that I have no choice but to keep rolling. Not that I would choose anything else at this point! Sometimes words just call to me - and this is certainly one of those times.
While I put the finishing touches on my creations, I want to share the words I’ve been working with. Any guesses as to what animals they will become?
Humble
Strong
Fierce
Clever
Wise
Rest
Focus
Courage
Resourceful
Spirited
Joyful
Resilient
Play
Gentle
While working, I’ve been thinking a lot about my little business, and as myself as an artist - largely in terms of the sustainability of both. Which means, I suppose, that you’re about to read a (rather abridged) version of my Taylor Swift rant.
Let me start by saying we have and (no shame!) still DO listen to quite a bit of TS in this house - Eric in particular loves to turn her up while working in the kitchen. So it’s not really her in particular that is the focus of this little tirade, she’s just the one I always pick when I get worked up.
See, the thing about Taylor is she could stop making music right now. RIGHT NOW. She could decide to never write another song, never sing another note and YET - her work would still support her for the rest of her life. People would continue to buy her albums and listen to her words.
For me, I make a jewelry piece. If I’m lucky, it finds it’s person and goes out into the world (a process which, believe me, never ceases to amaze!). But then, I begin again from scratch. In metalsmithing, this is particularly difficult because it is SUCH a physical medium. It requires sharp eyes and fine motor skills and the ability to sit still and steady for hours and hours on end while doing endless repetitive tasks.
As such, I do a lot to take care of my body - I focus on ergonomics every time I sit down at the bench, make sure I look up often and focus my eyes on something in the distance, walk miles a day, fit in workouts and massage and strength training to keep myself balanced and supple. Even still, my work has taken it’s toll and over the past few years I’ve had more and more instances where I need to take time away to rest and reset my body.
For example, just over a week ago, I celebrated my twenty-ninth birthday. I then proceeded to spend a little too much time smithing, sending my back into a spasm that has forced me to walk around in a slight crouch (and avoid the bench) ever since. In this moment, I feel more like I’m eighty than in the last year of my twenties.
I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened but…no. Unfortunately no.
So - I guess the way this whole thing closes out is that my metalwork is not sustainable as my only art form. If I work at it every hour I’m able, it will likely lead to an increase in bodily discomfort and a decrease in working hours as the years pass - and if there comes a point where I’m no longer able to smith? My business won’t be able to continue either. Metalsmithing will not provide a safety net for me the way that music does for Taylor Swift and that is heartbreaking. Spriral-into-dispair-heartbreaking.
But really sitting with this knowledge the past few weeks has also, in a way, been absolutely freeing for a few reasons. They are as follows :
1) I do not intend to give up my metalsmithing - but if I’m able to make/share/sell other kinds of art, then I won’t have to push through pain at the bench in order to support myself.
2) I finally have a real, concrete reason to invest time in all those other projects and mediums that I’ve set aside over the years in my quest to be “serious” about my business. If I’m going to reinvent myself as as an artist, this in my opportunity to let go of an artistic life based around scarcity and the need to do WHATEVER it takes to finish one more ring or necklace. I can instead embrace abundance and begin making work that allows me to create in ways that honor both my body and my creative spirit.
3) One of the things that has long bothered me about my metalsmithing was its inaccessibility. For many years, I have made a point to charge for my materials, my experience, my time, and my physical cost to produce work - which has caused prices to rise and rise and rise (making my pieces more and more unaffordable to many of you). Maybe this moment in my life and career is a chance to open myself up to work that can be shared without the big price tag.
I feel like I’m starting over - not from nothing, thankfully, but close enough that I’m scared as anything. And that’s hard to write. Maybe that’s why those words above mean so much to me in this moment. I’m trying to draw in their energy as I forge ahead on this new path into the unknown.
More to come.
