Squirrel
Squirrels and I have a long, long history of getting on each other’s nerves.
When I was in grade school, I dreamt up a plan to rid them from our backyard. Pretending to be a dog (and using color-coded bandanas to show how many squirrels I had startled off of the lawn and back into the trees, much like the belt system used in karate) I named the operation The Puppy Patrol and proceeded to stalk and spook as many chattering rodents as I was able. When I was around, no squirrel DARED enter the fence line.
One point for the humans.
In college, we lived in a teeny tiny apartment with alley access. One day, as I was driving in to park, a squirrel darted out in front of me carrying the biggest piece of pizza I’d ever seen. The slice was at least twice as big as his little body and he was moving…rather slowly, clearly hampered by the weight of all that crust and cheese. He simply refused to move off to the side of the alley, so I rolled forwards very slowly, irritated that he wouldn’t just move over but positive he’d get out of my way in the end.
When I finally reached my spot and got out of the car, I walked around the back to find…the squirrel. Eating his slice of pizza off of my tire. Because he’d dropped it right in front of the wheel, where I’d rolled over it and then stopped so it sat PERFECTLY at his face level.
One point for the squirrels.
At that same apartment, Eric left one day to walk to class. Just outside the front door, he was charged by a squirrel.
This may seem like bizarre behavior…but no. For some reason, MANY of the out-of-state students were obsessed with the squirrels, regularly feeding them to the point where they became aggressive - and this one was positive Eric had his next meal. Eric, however, without even thinking, lifted his foot in defense just as the squirrel made one final leap…and he punted the little critter into the next yard.
Another point for the humans.
Now - one final tale before I get down to the art (promise!). This one comes from two summers ago, in our old house, where the squirrels were absolutely ravaging our garden. I came across this squirrel hot sauce, and decided to give it a go as a deterrent. I sprayed it on our fences and on the edges of the raised beds. I even put it on some of the plants to keep the fuzzy buggers away. Largely, it helped - except when it came to Mama Squirrel.
She was RUTHLESS. I would see her get the pepper on her paws, or even in her mouth, yet continue to munch through our strawberries or take single bites out of our butternuts anyways. One afternoon, I just couldn’t stand it any longer and, when I saw her arrive for her daily buffet, ran out with my spray bottle of hot sauce.
She saw me coming but didn’t move an inch, looking more curious than anything. I pleaded with her to go, shaking my bottle and arms and generally trying to look big and scary - but she headed for the veggie beds anyways. At that point I took aim, fired - and shot her right in the face with pepper spray.
This stuff burns, on your skin and in your lungs - spicy, spicy, spicy. But old Mama just licked her chops and scampered towards me, looking for more. I was so spooked I hightailed it indoors as quick as a I could.
Definite point for the squirrels.
To make a long story short, and finally give a point to this whole thing, squirrels and I are forever at odds. HOWEVER, the one thing I cannot deny is that they are incredibly…
Resourceful.
Squirrel makes do with what he has - be it a yard or a garden or a neglected slice of pizza. If it can be eaten or stored, he’ll find a way to make it happen. Sometimes, I suppose, this means that he feasts on bright, juicy tomatoes - but it also means he spends the winter eating tree bark and stored nuts.
It’s that mentality of using what you have. Taking advantage of what’s available. What’s not to admire about that?
I guess, in the end, I’d better give the winning point to the squirrels.
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Original watercolor painting (6”x8”) available Saturday, December 11 at 12pm Mountain Time!