Robin Song

The first of the Three Great Brush Piles is gone.

Have I not shared photos of these dump heaps before now? Honestly, that’s been on purpose, because I’ve been trying not to see them myself. Just look at this picture and imagine one more hulking lump, right in the middle. Now, imagine that it’s one and a half times as tall, as long as the dark earth patch on the ground, and made up of a dense mix of leaf and grass clippings.

The previous owners of this land had had a landscaping business and this was where the refuse landed - just a stone’s throw out the back door, blocking the foothills view beyond. Call me crazy, but I didn’t move out here to spend my life looking at a mini mountain of accumulated yard waste.

Initially, we thought we might try to just spread this middle pile, letting it return to the earth over the course of a few years. But after poking around, we discovered that it was also full of trash. Wrappers and cans and old Christmas decorations layered in over time. And frankly? I just couldn’t handle more garbage being strewn around this place - not after the chicken run full of bones and the cans and chemicals in the garage. We ended up biting the bullet and paying a guy to haul it all off to a local place that specializes in picking through yard waste like this (removing the trash as they go!) and ultimately composting it at their facility. It’s such a small thing, but the space suddenly feels like it has life again. A literal weight has been lifted.

A lifted weight - that’s been a theme around here in a lot of ways. We’re just trying to live less guarded, less serious, less in our heads. For me, this has manifested itself in feeling all the feelings (which I’d normally squash in order to keep rolling forwards at a hundred miles an hour). Some days that means taking a moment to really sit in gratitude. Some days it means crying the whole forty minute drive to the barn, singing old country songs, and trying to figure out exactly where all the tears are coming from.

There are times when following the ebb and flow of emotional tides leaves me feeling fragile - but that’s not the case right now. I feel raw, sure - but just raw enough to know that I’m not hiding. I think I feel a little like the seeds I planted last week, poking their leaves up and out of the soil…more than a little bit vulnerable but so full of life.

Lately, I’ve been asking myself gently (but insistently) about the dreams that keep me up at night. The ones that feel so monumental that they might cause an earthquake below me, shaking the floor hard enough to wake Eric, the dogs, and maybe even our neighbors across the way. What keeps me from pursuing them? What are the “should's” and “have to’s” that I’m using to cage myself?

So, next week, I’m dedicating all of my work time to (hopefully!) finishing up my first e-course. I’ve been dabbling, poking at it, shuffling things around…basically toeing up to the line again and again, afraid to finally make the leap. It’s all those old voices, the ones that tell me that what I know is not important, that what I have to teach is invaluable. They may have kept me on the fringes - but no more. I’ve set the date and it’s going to stick, inner critics be damned. I just…feel like I need to do this.

I am VERY afraid of failure. That’s the truth of it. But I’m going to try anyhow.

And now, for one more announcement before I begin my day in earnest : the latest crop of bandanas has arrived!

This was another design that I almost said wasn’t good enough…but oh, I’m so glad I had it printed anyhow. Sweet little robins, singing spring into being - does it get much better cheerier than that?

I’m hoping to have these listed in the shop tomorrow…but I’d like to give a few away, too! So, if you’re reading this today, shoot me an email - I’ll drop one in the mail for the first three people to reach out. UPDATE - all have been claimed - thanks so much!!

Happy Friday, all!