Seeking
Summer has arrived in a blaze of heat and light. Our daily highs have been in the 90’s and most afternoons we’ve seen storms bloom and rage to the North, East, and South with not a drop of rain actually falling on us here at the farm. At least the nights have been cool and we’ve been able to watch the days go dark with fantastical light shows playing themselves out between the thunderheads on the horizons
I’ve had a great stroke of luck recently in that I found some new language (and some new understanding) when it comes to making sense of both myself and the animals. I won’t walk you through all of the details, because it would take an age and there’s already a fabulous video series that explains it all so clearly here, but needless to say this information-treasure has already been a life changer for me. If you do want to dive into the videos, just know that YES - they do focus on horses. But the principles apply to a whole array of creatures, be they dogs, cats, horses, or humans…you get the idea! In my reverent opinion, there’s something in there for everyone.
All you need to know is that there are seven emotional systems, that have been identified through the work of Jaak Panksepp, that govern the way we interact with our world - and the system that I’ve been thinking about most is called the SEEKING system. The SEEKING system encourages us to go looking for food, water, and shelter - but also makes us want to learn new skills and hear new stories and try new things. At its core (and ours!), it keeps us curious and moving forwards.
What’s so cool about this system is that the innate desire to search for the the things that we need not only makes our lives feel whole - it can help bring us back from fear, anger, and grief. Case in point is Bisbee, who hit the electric fence again.
Immediately, she was back behind the toilet - just as, if not more, terrified than the last time. The whole house smelled like fear and her eyes had that haunted, glazed look again - the one that so scared ME the first time. I figured I had nothing to lose and decided to try activating her SEEKING system to help her come back to herself.
I started by sprinkling some frozen peas (her favorite) around the bathroom floor - some close to where she was curled, some a little farther away. Initially she was too shut down for even that tantalizing scenario to catch her interest, so I hand-fed her a few peas to get started.
Within a minute, the sniffer was sniffing. She began to blink, look around, unwind herself. Then she stretched for the close peas, loosening through her mouth and neck and back and finally her thousand-mile legs. And then? She was up and on the hunt. We played this game a couple times throughout the day and I even fed her her dinner in a puzzle toy that requires her to use her nose and paws to push and roll it in order to get the kibbles - and it WORKED. Just like that. Because we cannot be afraid for our lives and curious at the same time. All I had to do was set up a scenario in which she could help herself and she did.
I kind of can’t believe this information fell into my lap like this, exactly the moment I needed it. No doubt about it - miracles happen.
My other SEEKING system revelation had to do with me and my relationship with Instagram - I’ve finally understood just why it is that I struggle to remain happy in that place. To explain, I thought I’d share the example that made the lightbulb go on for me. It has to do with us humans and one of the ways our SEEKING system operates when we eat.
Just imagine - we pick up a fork and the SEEKING system goes on because, well, we’re going to get food! We use the fork to put food in our mouths which seems like it should turn off the SEEKING system because food has been delivered, right? Well, not necessarily.
It’s like we need to complete the loop for that delivery to be fully registered in our brains. We have to set the fork down for the SEEKING system to recognize that the mission has been accomplished and for our bodies to check and see if we need more before re-initiating the process or moving on to a new activity. But if we don’t make sure to complete the circle? Well, on some level we keep endlessly searching for food, eating until we feel uncomfortable or until the food is gone - at which point we finally let the fork rest.
When I’m using Instagram, my SEEKING system stays permanently on as I post, see posts, answer comments, and worry about captions, photos, and if I’m “keeping up” with my peers. This continues until I’m frustrated and desperate and those emotions force my SEEKING system to shut off - at which point I tend to go have a good cry and spend a couple days feeling low before I can get up the motivation for another try. It’s just like the example above!
My big “aha!” was that, for me, social media has no equivalent of putting the fork down. No surprise there, I suppose, as the point of the whole institution is to get us to spend as much time as possible in that space. All these years, though, this has meant that I keep using like it’s some digital drug, generating ad revenue for them while I try to find the great, nonexistent “answer to all” that sits like a mirage just out of my reach.
In contrast, when I go to write a post here it’s all clear. I organize photos. Write what I want to write. Upload it all and - post! Then my SEEKING system powers right down and I go on with my life without any lingering loose ends. I don’t know if I’ve explained all of this exactly right…but I’ve got that brilliantly tingly feeling I get when the stars align and that thing I’ve been looking for comes into focus. It’s another close to another loop.
And now, since you’ve been oh-so-patient with this latest ramble of thoughts, I gift you a video of Cirrus and Paloma playing on the track. Everything for me seems to begin and end with the horses - this latest discovery included - so I can’t think of a better way to sign off before heading into the studio for an afternoon of making.